today a malay patient asked her nurse "doctor tu cina ke melayu?", referring to me.

and when i finished talking to the lady next to her..

"o you cina.. fasih melayu you..i dok ingat you melayu tapi muka cina.. pelik."

haha

cuteness.

it has been some time since i get that :) spoken malay still alright, happy!!!

翅膀呢

老实说，这几个礼拜，真的过得好不容易。有好多很伤心心里很难受的日子，有不知
所措后不停颤抖的好多个小时。希望以后以后都不会在有这样子的感受了， 但好像
不是很可能。不是学业的麻烦，学业倒不错，学习更成为了发泄的管道。

所以回家啦，好让心回到它的避风港。家，很温暖。心，也跟着抚平了一点点。

叫自己要努力更坚强，向往阳光处，要感恩，要开心一点。说很容易。

在这心情常被左右的日子中，发现自己更珍惜了，也更坦然。学会了更加为别人着
想，因为明白咱们都有那一本难念之经。更爱惜家人了，他们的爱坚固，感人，永
恒，没有这个家，我不可能有任何奋斗能力。常常失落时回家里，看看爸妈，说说
笑笑，常告诉自己要快乐，坚强，爸妈对我几乎没什么要求，就是要吃的好，我想
他们只要我快快乐乐吧。我很爱他们。

夜了，希望家人身体好好的，希望我在下来的日子里对自己好好的，比别人对自己
更好，希望心找回平静，希望看东西的角度更乐观更成熟，希望不再失眠不再很难
过。。有一天一定会找回快乐的自己 :)

也很谢谢友情的陪伴。

want to handle this with grace. for one last time.

then i pray i will feel better and things will get better.

to be happy again

xx

went away to taiping for a week right after acls. overwhelming. ran for 40 minutes every morning before the sun came up, to destress. way too lovely. good learning, good discussions, practice and practise and practice, worked hard till 5 in the hospital, ate quick random lunch but treated ourselves to good dinner everyday.

would look back to rmbr this as the time when things are intense and we worked really hard as final medics

one more taiping week.. geez i hope i don't burn out.

busy busy days good good days. i learnt alot of things i have always wanted to learn, and knowing what all these knowledge can do make me really happy. im thankful to have the privilege of having all of these knowledge entrusted to me, me being just another person in this world. :) thank you.

happy for finally getting a ticket to fly away away to my happy place! :))

and trying to get as much sleep as possible to counteract all these stress

next is taiping for 2 weeks. i get to run on tar and gravel and smell the air during dawn for 2 weeks, aaa i can't wait.. and i think for that i can put up with 2 weeks of not having my personal space and getting frozen in hotel rooms. hmmm deal i guess.

goodnight from a happily tired soul

some things

the older i am, the more the smallest things make me happy.

i love my family, each and everyone of them, flaws and all. i really won't know what to do without them. life would be.. i don't know. don't want to imagine.

certain things... deserved to be walked away from. truth is always better. this heart deserves better. so much better than this. stay in the now, stay strong, be okay, be happy.

takes a little conversation to make me understand who i was, who i am, who i want to be.

14 weeks more. persevere dear me.. this medical degree is gonna be so.worth.it.

there's always time for every thing

last week's short respite was essential, after the past few months of continuous doing doing doing and staying outside my comfort zone. i spent time reading, sitting around with old friends, got into dresses, sleeping enough, run, and eat. 


so nourishing. kinda perfect really. 


that conversations with the few good friends were so good... i wish i could have more of it.

still am thankful for everything. especially the books, the beach, the food, the people. life greatest pleasures. 


time to calm down, get centered and narrow down priorities. first thing first ! :)

sigh.

feel awful. did things i am not proud of. got affected badly by things i couldn't control.
left home confused and angry and scared and felt selfish.
wish my break didnt have to end on such awful note.
but beyond my control.
should take a nap.
wake up and read. get lost in my book. finish it up.
plan my weekend.
get dinner.
and hopefully tomorrow comes soon and i will run a long run and everything will be okay.
i will feel better.

heartbreaker

it's late. but today i saw the most heartbreaking scene ever. the most optimistic lady told me about her really sad multiple sclerosis story, she had frequent total paralysis for the past 26 years and she's totally blind. when she couldn't move, her father took care of her and carry her around. she crawled at home when she couldn't walk. she told me her father is a 70 year old man, and he had a stroke a few years back. i thought he probably would be big and strong to carry this lady around, she aint too small. i love her, she was so cheerful and so nice despite how rough life has been. AND THEN i saw this father an hour later, he came to visit. he was this really old and dark and thin and wrinkly man, with a really really stooped posture and was using a walking cane, walking with SO MUCH difficulty. he brought food for his blind daughter. and the daughter spent the next few hours hurrying the doctor to give her her injection so that 'her father won't need to walk to hospital again, i pity my father'.

their love broke my heart, it broke my heart like never before.

god bless them alot alot alot.

cardiology next!

beautiful weekend. lots of love. lots of crap junk food, which is like superb. i saw mom and dad and little brother for a few hours, we went praying to late grandpa, it was really nice. then we ate alot of fatty delicious food, i don't remember what but we just kept eating. that's my family :) second day there was a little hike with a good friend, super fun, told each other stories, got in touch with nature, got happy. hiking is such a peaceful thing to do, all i have to do is focus on the next next next step, everything is so calm all around me, a little capsule of peace. :))) so nice. had kfc then worked like mad the whole day, and just got everything settled.

new week, healthier food, new posting, then home to see a few favourite people in my world and do silly stuff. i wonder what. now to sleepppp..