Friday, July 5, 2013

it's important to be good

haven't been writing but i need a space to talk and i didnt know who to talk these too.

today i see a child fitting for 30 minutes.. saturation was worsening. he was a bangladeshi child. the child was premorbidly well, and happy. for me, CP doesnt mean a child gets substandard treatment, because no matter what condition the child is in, he has a father and a mother who loves him and care for him like any other child. he shouldnt receive secondary treatment. we shouldnt waffle when we treat him. because he means the world to somebody. he is someone's baby. he fitted for 30 minutes today, which is bad3. we inform our MO. maybe they were trained differently and taught differently, but i thought we could have done things differently. i thought we should have not wasted time taking such a thorough history and do such thorough examination when the child is apparently having a bloody fit in front of our eyes. i thought we should secure the ABC and start out status protocol right after 5 mins of fit, let alone 30 minutes. i thought we could have give the phenytoin earlier. i thought we could use per rectal diazepam stat because 90% of fit can be aborted by diazepam. i thought alot. i thought they shouldnt be busy writing the casenotes while the child is unstable. we could do that later.. it's nothing urgent. i thought we shouldnt throw the VBG away. i thought we shouldnt push the child straight away to CECT when he's so unstable. and ask a houseman who's not capable enough to do intubation when the situation arises.

after that i did rounds with an MO who has poorer knowledge than me. who didnt know what investigations she really wants and just order everything as [baseline]. who have no idea what's dermatomyositis is (huhhh) and i really really really hate doing rounds with her because it takes forever and it's fruitless....there's not much point.

and the day is filled with MO who's defensive when we ask for help. who threatens. who seriously are not much better than us. who has no idea what is what. who doesn't really put an effort in their work. who waffles. and irritates me. 

on my drive home i decided that it's just unforgivable to tolerate mediocrity in medicine. our job affects ppl so much, it affects the life and death of a person, who's love dearly by another one. i decided that being good is important, and i owe it to my patients because they don't deserve anything lesser. the road to being good is tough, and takes lots of training, lots of sacrifices. but it has to be done. really it has to be done, through endless studying and reading and staying in touch with the current mx. it's one of the most important thing in life. please always let me remember what i say today, and brave through the hardships and challenges that will make me a better person, a better doctor.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

completed 2 months of work in OG, a super stressful posting that made work feels like a prolonged course of final exams, albeit much worse because of the huge responsibility that i have to shoulder. have never been so stressed out in life, but learning how to handle it by each passing day and night. JB has been good to me, and i have been really really lucky it's pretty unbelievable. my plate is SO FULL right now with work, learning and taking care of myself and keeping in touch with a FEW people whom i love and love me back. they remind me daily about why i am doing this, working so hard and being so tired and stressed out all the time and their words kept me rooted. won't go on ranting about the stress in work because it really doesnt help. the blessings these days are very good dinners in prof house late at night after i work.. sometimes even at 9-10pm, listening to the dharma, internal med teachings in monash everytime i have my morning off, and loads of CMEs.. and many wonderful teachers who are so keen to teach.

all is good. time to run!

Saturday, May 26, 2012


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

just about 2 weeks....i won't need to drive 30-60 minutes to school/hospital daily anymore.

this is a very happy thought!!!

can't believe im so near to making it. must work harder to end it good. definitely one hella journey

with so much so much

Friday, May 18, 2012

today i woke up in the dark of my room wanting to start my day, expecting the familiar dreadful lump-in-my-throat feeling that has been plaquing me for the past few months.......

it's gone.

just like that.

finally gone.


it has been a really bumpy ride and i can't believe i am able to ride it out.

i was humbled, and grateful and my heart is full.

i don't want anything else except to keep this bliss and calmness inside me for as long as i can. and to fight really hard, tooth and nail... just to enjoy being really okay.

thank you time, thank you god, thank you meself. guess it's a new chapter :)

ps all the best little brother for your first pretty big deal exam

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Today is Buddha's day. i want to give thanks.. everything is so good here i am so calm and i am doing the things i love and made brave decisions that make me excited. everyone i love is in good health. i am still running. and doing medicine. i have such good friends. and brothers. and so much good food. and tmr is sunday. so much thanks. i am a lucky girl.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

wonderful news today from a good friend. very happy for him :)) and proud. congrats. what an inspiration. that cheer me up a little after the constant news of the good people passing away too mrsm teacher, an art teacher, and my batchmate from mrsm- in a freak accident down LDP. life's short, cherish it, and remember to keep ourselves knee-deep in happiness. as much as possible. life's way too short. you never know persevering, XX

Monday, April 30, 2012

'i am the first one in and the last one out of the library. for real.'
 im living on vending machine food now, very bad stuff, so that i can study longer'
'and eat pizza almost everyday'

today i talked to my brother, it has been so long. we talked about alot of stuff, about his life and my life and things under the sun. i told him about my decision, and realized there are some people in my life who know me so well despite not seeing each other often, and i am thankful for them.

i am having my finals in 4 weeks and he's taking his first professional paper in 3. he is working really hard... i am too.. for what we want in each of our lives.

all the best, kid. i am proud of you, work hard like how an asian should. soon we'll meet and do and see so much amazing stuff together to compensate for all these hard work...the fun!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

just got my studying done, brain's still a little agitated so i shall write abit. 

things, they have been good. really good. 

yesterday was so nice. i went to a government's clinic and learnt how to manage a newly diagnosed diabetic patient. the MO took me through the steps, it was good learning. i diagnosed, reviewed the bloods, started the medications according to guidelines...(love!), did all the screening like ECG visual acuity feet examination weight height everything by myself, wrote referral letter for fundus camera, filled in all the diabetic records and finally counseled the patient for diet and lifestyle changes. took me nearly an hour, but worth it. 

i have always been so afraid of managing diabetic patient. finally i learn how to do it properly. thank you nicest MO

i love a doctor's work. so much. :)))

Monday, April 9, 2012