to life

break was good

daily runs with dad in the sun, got tanned, easy days, yummy and fatty food, long dinners, lots of reading. :)

long run today was wimpy haha, original plan was 30km (i know, shoot for the stars right) but i did 19km and seriously felt like dying, like i have nothing left in me to even move an inch. if i get to have an epidural and a 10L normal saline infusion maybe i could've last longer. anyway. it's 2 weekends to marathon and i am on call this weekend. yikes.. i need to come up with something quick.

i always think good friends really really make this world a better place. a lot of time i sigh thankyougod under my breath because my friends are such amazing people; they inspire me to be good to others, to give people my time, to help to be honest, real, kind and generous, to work hard for what i want and to be brave because i am not alone. they tell me i have it in me, when i feel so unsure about things and i often wonder how is it they can believe in me more than i do myself, and they eventually got me convinced, haha :) and they are so smart. i am real thankful to have the few people i love and trust, who love and trust me back, i promise to cherish them always.

tomorrow i am starting Psychiatry, and i don't know anything Psychiatry because i have spent all my break reading very nice story books. I reread My Antonia which reminds me of all the things i love in this world, the nature, maize field, climbing trees, apples, friendships, families...i reread the exciting (and expensive) Heart Surgery book and it reminds me how hard people work and how much sacrifice people like Debakey made, and i feel stupid complaining about any thing at all. i also read half of my Outlander book which is a thousand pages! it is ridiculously amazing because it's all about chivalry and gallant horsemen who were staying in the Scottish highlands and wear nothing under their kilts hahaha, it's a story about love so pure and the sheer incredulity of trusting someone unknown with all your heart, i felt myself trembling while reading. madness. and beautiful words. and horses, lovelovelove, one hell of a literature ;)  there's this book One Day which kept me overwhelmed and sad for days on because it talks about how a guy and a girl were turning in circles for 20years and they girl eventually died in an accident. i hate stories with so much sorrow like that. just affects you like mad... because you know it actually happens. reality is pretty sad anyway.

back to the grind and i would happily work hard again because i feel enough again. today i was so tired from my long run so i just sat on the floor and think. i thought about the 17 year old me, naive like mad and a little too excited about the future, not knowing at all in the few years ahead i would fall pretty hard, have a lot of hard days, and get hurt many many many times, that it'd be rough but i'd see a lot of beautiful things, make good friendships and learn massively. i thought about the little girl and thought about the me now. i was happy to realize that the 17 year old self would be proud, of my current self, flaws shortcomings changes and all, and i am thankful for being seventeen and extremely tough once, because i am happy with pretty much everything now.

goodnight