6th week

This is the start of my sixth week in psychiatry. time to really focus and revise and learn this part of medicine properly, it’s important for my work. I have wanted to like this rotation, I tried, really hard. Last Wednesday I sat before a mentally retarded 23 years old, someone my age, who was beaten and kicked in the guts by her parents and had a long history of cutting herself, I sat before her, and I myself was half trembling from the cruelty and absurdity of the whole situation. I asked her where did she learn that? Who taught her? Did your father sexually abuse you? She kept quiet. Are you happy in the new home? She said yes, she said she can help with the chores in her new home, and she smiled, it was pretty much the nicest thing that day, no, that week. I examined her for galactorrhoea and reviewed her file, and do all that I could do for her, if I were her doctor. The moment I touched her I realized I love her, and I am slowly learning how to love all these people around me. It pushes me, that kind of love,  it’s powerful, it gave me strength to do a lot more that I ever thought I could, for those who need my help.

Monday I talked to a hardcore heroin addict, snatched and peddle for a living now. dear god. it was something too new to me, and I pretended to have talked about drug used for the millionth time. But all these talking to people made me less judgemental, I just couldn’t, it’s just not possible to when you really understand their story.

Friday we went to a home for the mentally handicapped, we got to listen to stories from the families and victims, it was… crazy. One talked about how his brilliant child with straight As in SPM turn schizophrenic, and how he can be so aggressive now, he could’ve kill his mom anytime, hurt her and pushed her down….

Freaking sad.

I went home after that. The last week felt like I tore myself up and gave my limbs everywhere. Friday a friend picked me up for visit and it was grace, the nicest thing someone has done for me in that already heartbreaking week. I went home, went to my corner, and it kinda fixed me up. I studied what I like and was happy that I have the chance to do something I don’t hate, I read a book, felt damn proud of countrymen over the bersih weekend, and thought it feels like watching les miserables.

I read American Wife, a depiction of laura bush’s life. I really really really love her in the story, I love everything about her, flaws and guts and the way she brought up her daughter and all. It’s been long since I fell in love with a character so much, but I recognized so much of me in there and damn I love her. I would be bold and say this is the best book I have read in this year. Hands down. So good.  Life will give you back whatever you gives with your heart, that I believe.

The week is shrouded with serious biznez. Here’s a toast, to a good sixth week and to learning how to love better. To broccoli, schweaty workouts, learnings and love. <3