there are days which are so tough and overwhelming, they made me crawled into my comforter feeling terrified of waking up. this day last week, i was frantic, messed, very alone and  i tried looking for help but i couldn't find it anywhere. i was pretty scared. next day came and a lot of madness ensued, i wrote a lists with ridiculous minute details of the days to do's and started ninja kicking them. i was glad i started the day with a hard long run, uphills speedy and all, it made me kinder to myself (because i was tired). but surprisingly on that tougher than ever day, grace alighted :) a lot of grace. it came with friends and food, gentleness and help, a good book and good revision. also, reading in bed at dawn. there was a huge satisfaction and a quiet kind of happiness.night came and i was thankful. i learnt on that very day how important it is to be really brave for yourself, to be very very very independent, to learn a lot of things out of school, and to accept beauty and grace when it came knocking. life can be really generous, when it wants to be, me thinks. a lot of times also, i surprise myself with more than i thought i can be.

sigh. if i could save all happiness in a jar and sniff it deeply when i have those ohmygod days. you know, like crack.