2011 looking back and 2012

made a super quick decision to pack my bags and go home on wednesday, half way through the week, cutting short whatever nonsense elective i signed myself up for.

I spent the next 3 full days with pa, ma, popo and qing. it's exactly what i needed, i rested, ate chinese food till i couldn't breath, slept well, run in cleaner air, talked loud and laughed loud, buy new clothes and then read pretty much all the time. drink alot of fruit juices. didn't unpack.

for my birthday, i ate pumpkin cake and tiramisu cake and didn't feel guilty and then ate some more longevity noodles then took photos and my heart is so so full and i made a little wish.

2011 has been one hell of a year. i learnt so much and studied bleeding hard and aced all my exams (damn sweet) and saw and learnt so many things and toughened up and found my own way through alot of first times. i had my share of tears and was made stronger, and happier. i learnt to care about certain things and stop caring about more things. i learnt to love my family in a different way, i learnt patience, acceptance, facing what is real and rejoicing in the moment that we have, now.

In January, i loved Obgyn so much i poured my heart and soul learning about pregnant ladies and trembled like a kitty watching my first delivery.

March, i started paeds it touched my heart in a lot of ways, i love children alot and felt too much for unfortunate families. i cried in shower after a day in clinics. i was inspired, i felt lost, i pretty much tried my best to teach myself stuff and tried to come out of the posting unscathed. I survived and think i still don't know alot of stuff.. alot of learning to be done when i start working...soon.


End of June i went all the way to KL and ran my second marathon and got my name into the top ten women runner. but the only thing that made me proud was the gruelling 6 months training which i followed through.. all the blisters and early mornings and 30kms. all the pain and i-really-want-to-die. :) all those long hours of alone moments.. sure gonna make sweet memories of this crazy youth.

i started Psychiatry in july and i thank this posting for all that it allowed me to understand the hidden pockets of community in this society that i am not in touch with on my normal day, the anguish of their families, the unfairness of these diseases, the sheer overwhelming side of psychiatry. i admired the amazing community work we have in the country, the sanitorium that still exist, the indefinite patience psychiatrists possessed to face the mundane tasks of long hours clerking, hearing people out, listening to multiple sides of stories, handling unreasonable patient and families... it's not easy..

September was the month of Public health and i hated this posting. i disliked how so much politics come into play and how we are always fearing something, when it's all just a platform for us twenty somethings to learn (and learning sucks btw). i promised myself i do not want to grow to become like my supervisors. i hated the thankless job, it wasn't really about learning how to do things, i hated how everyone started getting neurotic about getting work done faster every single day, hence become freakishly inconsiderate. i felt stifled and my nerves are pretty frayed and i realized alot of things. but this posting was the one i read ALOT (like a total of 20 books) so oh well, PH be damned.

next came exams, done and i went to IJN to see wonderful/mad stuff and got so close(!!!) to the beating heart. i was inspired by the working ethos of so many people there. they are so good. they worked so damn hard i have never seen people working so hard before in my life i swear. i had coffee with consultants and learnt more about the job and i felt so starstruck haha. i hope to grow up to have characters like these. went to UM.. put under a team made up of visionaries who kept trying to push for a better healthcare. it was plentiful of good days, i got closer to my old friend and made several new friends, whom i exchanged material have dinners joined teachings and spent almost 3 weeks in a real hostel and ate with my hands after 8 years. i so wish PMC could have a hostel.

2011 i made really good friends, the few people whom i could talk to about anything under the sun and for that i am so so thankful. they made each day so much better, and easier. i cherish them and hope friendships remain over the coming year. i went for a trip with my old friends, i loved them in so many ways. i met up with several old friends when i was in KL, i love each and every one of them. being with these people make me aspire to be a better person, stronger, more independent, more courageous and they taught me what's important in life. they made me smile and laugh and that's one thing i love.

2011 was super generous to me, i felt loved and taken care for and i was happy alot of time. 2012 is my final year, i can't wait to be back. i want to enjoy this last 6 months of learning as much as i can and get myself prepared for bigger responsibility. after all, it's what i really want to do all along. i am superstitious so i spent the last day of 2011 with Nelson Mandela and i hope his greatness rub off on me. ;) 

i like today. i am so tired but i like today. today when i want to help with an ABG we couldnt feel the patient's pulses and BP werent detectable OOOOPSSSS so started resuscitation. i was so scared because i didn't know anything. so i watched and helped with CPR. i swear im gonna learn my acls well.but the patient died. she was a young stroke not properly worked up. Prof taught everyone about the importance of working up young strokes. today's teaching was extremely good. neurology is < 3

really sorry to patients who have to bear the brunt of my lousy blood taking skills. i promise i would be much better ASAPPPPP huhu

it's a good day, i miss running

of marriage

i did clinics just now. multiple sclerosis clinics, it's all good.. and emotional. patients came cos they relapsed, and some of them came for injections. the thing i wanted to say is.. half of them came with their husbands, and half without. some with their kids. finished clinics i put my legs up and lay in bed thinking.. hoping.. that if one day i get married.. i hope i will marry someone who would still stay with me if i have MS, when i couldn't move a muscle for many days, when i wobble, could see nothing, have all my spinal cord myelitis-ed and need big girl pampers and smell like pee. i saw a husband talking to the doctor privately as he was worried he might have done something wrong by placing a hot bottle over his wife's back when she had spasms..that was something nicholas spark couldnt compare. another unfortunate woman, her husband left her. nurse and doctor and I talked about it afterwards haha so yeah.. i hope i marry a man who will stay with me even i have MS, or stroke. touchwood

yeah. that was all that i was thinking about throughout clinics. don't judge.

a few happy december things

last night before bed, mom told me 'a very good news', turn out to be an amazing opportunity given to my younger brother, it made me really excited too, and for that i am grateful. i still feel really excited thinking about it this morning, he must have been over the moon.

i also got really excited reading Donald Miller this weekend and ... i think i am on another reading roll. this is my new author love and i can't stop. reading is indeed one of life greatest pleasure, i truly pity those who don't read. anyway.

i did two long runs over the weekend, morning breeze, early skies, huge strides.. they made me really really happy. running is happiness disguise is pain and running time is me time, just me and the pavement. there's a swing set which i can dry my sweat on and look at my swollen feet in the sky. i felt so calm after

i hope this new week brings forth learning, patience and kindness; strength to get work done and my love for donald miller's writing keeps going strong, rare gem indeed

happy birthday to my very very best friend today. she kicked ass and make hard decisions look like a piece of cake. the other day a crazy message from her after she read a book, made my rough day looks almost trivial besides 'other bigger aims in life'. i love her for that. and so much more. blessings.